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Today we finished our Adoption training class. HURRRAY!! (Matt had about 5 gallons of coffee each session, to "be alert and ready to learn.") It is called PRIDE, which stands for Parents' Resource for Information, Development and Education. Everyone in the state of ND that is planning to foster or foster/adopt (like us), need to complete this training to get through to the next step of the process.
We learned so much from this training! It was intense and eye opening which is a necessity to keep our reality in check. We discussed connecting to the child, and different reactions they may have coming into the home. One big thing, is that, we have a lot to prove to the child or children. Most of the kids that are in the situation to be adopted have big pasts, hard pasts and abusive pasts. We have to give them safety and constancy, even when they purposely try defy us. So, the big thing with this issue, is obviously patience. Things will be difficult. It may be a time of crisis for the child and the family as a whole, so we need to preserver through the tough.
One thing that really came clear to us during the training was difference in children's social skills, emotional and physical conditions. They showed an example of a child who was placed in care and eventually adopted. He was 8 years old. They then showed us a graph of typical things for an 8 yr old and this child's development. He was physically younger looking, more of about 6 or 7. Instead of being at 3rd grade learning level, he was closer to 1st grade learning level. His emotional status, was that of a 2 yr old rather than a child his age. His real world knowledge was that of a 17 or 18 year old rather than that of a child. This really hit us. This child was very different than you would expect him to be at his age. In regards to his real world knowledge, when kids talked about what sex was or made comments that children do, he has a completely different graphic take on the same subject. At the end, with hard work he caught up to his class in school and was placed in an adoptive family.
We also talked about discipline. Working through the agency we are, we are unable to use any type of physical punishment, including spanking. This is fine because we already knew that would not be an option in our family. These kids may need different redirection than others, and some things that may happen that others would punish for, we may choose a different route. Our child may still be at a learning level for that of a younger child. So, these are all things we will be dealing with.
Another part of the training that was really difficult was learning about signs and talking about kids that have been sexually abused. That was really hard to listen to, but we did learn a lot from the information given.
If at all possible staying in touch with certain people or family from their past is really encouraged. Most kids, regardless of how they were treated still love and worry about their parents. It's somewhat hard to understand knowing that they can feel this way about someone who did what they did, but it is true. Often times the Birth Parents/family have issues that they need to work on for themselves and just can not care the way they need to for the children. So, hopefully, we have some people in our kid's life that we can at least send letters through our agency to keep them updated and in contact.
We also learned about how to support the child through their loss of their parents. The kids will go through stages of grieving because a part of their life is ending. It is also ok for us to be sad and grieve for the past of the child that we will never get to be part of.
The coolest part of this training was at the end. We had a panel of adoptive parents, foster parents, a birth mother who gave up parental rights, and a teen in the foster system. They talked about experiences with their kids, about saying goodbye to the ones that were reunified with birth families, and adopting others. Matt and I were actually floored by the teen in foster care. She was smart,opinionated, sincere and well adjusted. She talked about her past when she entered and sounds like a completely different kid. Kids really are resilient with the right support behind them.
The biggest thing we learned during this training is that, no kid is perfect and no parent is either!
Our child or children may take a long period of transition before they feel like they are part of the the family. Also, these children come with different sets of issues than if they were born into our family. They have traits, medical histories and a past with a their birth family. So, for our loved ones, keep in mind, their situation is unique to them and they may not act or be comfortable with the same things their cousins may be. We will have obstacles to overcome that other families never have to deal with.
Thanks for continuing support for us and loving us through this process!
We will be notified when our actual home study will start. We are hoping soon, and our adoption director said that it will be quick now for us. We hope that's the case.
Next comes, fingerprints, background checks and safety assessments.
This process is very invasive, complex and time consuming. We are glad to do it knowing the end result is having a child to share with and help grow. It is however, really overwhelming. Sometimes it can make me mad. We work so hard for this while some people, that are drug addicts and neglectful parents continue to bring children into the world they can not provide for. It is something neither of us will ever take for granted!
training down, next stop home assessment.
Today we finished our Adoption training class. HURRRAY!! (Matt had about 5 gallons of coffee each session, to "be alert and ready to learn.") It is called PRIDE, which stands for Parents' Resource for Information, Development and Education. Everyone in the state of ND that is planning to foster or foster/adopt (like us), need to complete this training to get through to the next step of the process.
We learned so much from this training! It was intense and eye opening which is a necessity to keep our reality in check. We discussed connecting to the child, and different reactions they may have coming into the home. One big thing, is that, we have a lot to prove to the child or children. Most of the kids that are in the situation to be adopted have big pasts, hard pasts and abusive pasts. We have to give them safety and constancy, even when they purposely try defy us. So, the big thing with this issue, is obviously patience. Things will be difficult. It may be a time of crisis for the child and the family as a whole, so we need to preserver through the tough.
One thing that really came clear to us during the training was difference in children's social skills, emotional and physical conditions. They showed an example of a child who was placed in care and eventually adopted. He was 8 years old. They then showed us a graph of typical things for an 8 yr old and this child's development. He was physically younger looking, more of about 6 or 7. Instead of being at 3rd grade learning level, he was closer to 1st grade learning level. His emotional status, was that of a 2 yr old rather than a child his age. His real world knowledge was that of a 17 or 18 year old rather than that of a child. This really hit us. This child was very different than you would expect him to be at his age. In regards to his real world knowledge, when kids talked about what sex was or made comments that children do, he has a completely different graphic take on the same subject. At the end, with hard work he caught up to his class in school and was placed in an adoptive family.
We also talked about discipline. Working through the agency we are, we are unable to use any type of physical punishment, including spanking. This is fine because we already knew that would not be an option in our family. These kids may need different redirection than others, and some things that may happen that others would punish for, we may choose a different route. Our child may still be at a learning level for that of a younger child. So, these are all things we will be dealing with.
Another part of the training that was really difficult was learning about signs and talking about kids that have been sexually abused. That was really hard to listen to, but we did learn a lot from the information given.
If at all possible staying in touch with certain people or family from their past is really encouraged. Most kids, regardless of how they were treated still love and worry about their parents. It's somewhat hard to understand knowing that they can feel this way about someone who did what they did, but it is true. Often times the Birth Parents/family have issues that they need to work on for themselves and just can not care the way they need to for the children. So, hopefully, we have some people in our kid's life that we can at least send letters through our agency to keep them updated and in contact.
We also learned about how to support the child through their loss of their parents. The kids will go through stages of grieving because a part of their life is ending. It is also ok for us to be sad and grieve for the past of the child that we will never get to be part of.
The coolest part of this training was at the end. We had a panel of adoptive parents, foster parents, a birth mother who gave up parental rights, and a teen in the foster system. They talked about experiences with their kids, about saying goodbye to the ones that were reunified with birth families, and adopting others. Matt and I were actually floored by the teen in foster care. She was smart,opinionated, sincere and well adjusted. She talked about her past when she entered and sounds like a completely different kid. Kids really are resilient with the right support behind them.
The biggest thing we learned during this training is that, no kid is perfect and no parent is either!
Our child or children may take a long period of transition before they feel like they are part of the the family. Also, these children come with different sets of issues than if they were born into our family. They have traits, medical histories and a past with a their birth family. So, for our loved ones, keep in mind, their situation is unique to them and they may not act or be comfortable with the same things their cousins may be. We will have obstacles to overcome that other families never have to deal with.
Thanks for continuing support for us and loving us through this process!
We will be notified when our actual home study will start. We are hoping soon, and our adoption director said that it will be quick now for us. We hope that's the case.
Next comes, fingerprints, background checks and safety assessments.
This process is very invasive, complex and time consuming. We are glad to do it knowing the end result is having a child to share with and help grow. It is however, really overwhelming. Sometimes it can make me mad. We work so hard for this while some people, that are drug addicts and neglectful parents continue to bring children into the world they can not provide for. It is something neither of us will ever take for granted!
training down, next stop home assessment.
